Showing up late to the party still means you’re at the party

By Natalie Lau

Illustration by Yana Samoylova, Staff Illustrator

I am a first-generation junior transfer student majoring in Public Relations, Advertising, and Entertainment Marketing.

I’ve carried my community college experience like a badge and a bruise. Proud of the work that got me to Chapman, but quietly worried that I was already behind.

According to College Student Compare, transfer students make up about 3.82% of the entire undergraduate population. Adding to that, data from Chapman University’s official website, around 21% of the overall student body identify as first-generation individuals. Based on my experience, those numbers didn’t shock me, but they felt like something worth discussing. I’m not saying I’m living some drastic, one-of-a-kind experience, but here on campus, the transfer and first-gen community can feel very small and even desolate at times.

Yes, transferring is hard. And yes, being the first in your family to attend college is no small feat. But when I say I’m a first-generation student, it carries weight. Initially, I didn’t even realize I was carrying this weight until I started making my own educational decisions — figuring things out on my own and trying to make something of myself. It’s been a process I can only be grateful for, but a burden I carry daily.

I remember clicking through college catalogs — some were out-of-state and some local. California had plenty of options, but that didn’t comfort me. The endless lists of majors, minors, class descriptions, prerequisites, general education courses and upper-division requirements made my head spin. Half the terms were foreign to me. I couldn’t turn to my parents for guidance because they hadn’t been through it. Figuring out school had always fallen on me, and once again, I felt like I was on my own.

Meanwhile, my peers seemed to have it all figured out. Some had been prepping for the SAT for years, following the footsteps of their college-educated parents. Some had known what school they were going to since freshman year of high school. It was my senior year, and I was just starting to research colleges. I hadn’t realized how much planning, work and preparation went into getting that shiny acceptance to the school of your dreams.

I don’t think that realization period ever really ends. You think it would, but even now I’m always finding out about more programs, applications, and resources I “should” be participating in. Some of my transfer friends have told me they aren’t even on the school-wide email lists, left in the dark about events and deadlines they should know about. Collectively, I think despite how far we’ve come, it feels like we’re always behind no matter how prepared we think we are.

Fast forward: I spent two years in community college and gave the transfer process another shot. This time, I did lots of research and carefully selected the colleges that felt like a good fit for me and my goals. Being a little older, I knew I probably wouldn’t have the “typical” college experience, and I was okay with that. I just wanted to learn and get my foot in the door. Chapman felt like the best place for that.

It’s been a good experience so far, but I can’t help feeling sometimes that when I walk into a classroom, there’s this sense of imposter syndrome. Not because I don’t feel capable of doing the work, but because I feel like I’m not supposed to be here, like I’m late to the party. Groups are already formed, and I’m the new girl all over again. It’s strange to be a junior-standing student and still feel like it’s the first day of college every day. I can only speak from my experience, and I know other transfers may feel differently, but there’s a shared understanding among us — these little nuances that come with starting fresh at a new school. Most of us weren’t fully prepared for that transition. It’s a huge adjustment. And as a first-generation student, there’s always this pressure in the back of my mind to make my family proud.

It’s a constant struggle – figuring out how to get involved, how to connect the dots and how to be someone who shines through all the noise. Many of the friends I’ve made here are transfer students too. The truth is, the lack of community and representation is hard to ignore. There are not many resources, no clubs for us and no extra time to catch up while we’re still trying to get a feel for this new environment. It’s just a sudden change, and we’re expected to adapt quickly.

But that’s something I want to emphasize, transferring schools and making that decision for yourself takes guts. What no one tells you, what you don’t learn until later, is that first-gen transfer students are some of the most adaptive and observant people on campus. We are problem solvers by nature and navigators by necessity.

I used to think that falling behind meant I’d never catch up. Now I realize it taught me to run differently. To run smarter. Slower, sometimes, but with more intention.

I call on Chapman to increase initiatives that help transfer students feel more welcome. I know I plan to spend my limited two years here making the most of every moment. With camaraderie and conviction, I can say I am a first-generation transfer student.

And I belong here.

This article was submitted by an independent student. If you are interested in having your work featured in The Panther, reach out to pantheropinions@chapman.edu.