After six months of pain, Connor Kilde perseveres

Photo by Trinity Johnson, Photographer

It was a chilly February morning when Connor Kilde finally broke. Since the end of Chapman men’s soccer’s season, the junior business administration major had been struggling.

He found himself at Newport Beach. As he strolled along the boardwalk, trying to enjoy the salty ocean smell and the lack of tourists at the early hour, Connor sought a connection to something greater. Somewhere out there were the answers he so desperately craved.

After nearly four months of ankle pain, he couldn’t hold back his frustration. Everything was failing him. Every exercise, every supplement and every healing method. Even physical therapy showed no results. Nothing worked. So, he resorted to the only thing he could think of.

“I’m going to run,” he told himself.

In the 45-degree air and with the wind at his back, he did seven miles that day — at an all-out pace.

At first, Connor felt good. He could handle the pain. The throbbing had mostly subsided. Where his ankle injury was a burning forest fire before, now the sensation dulled into piddly embers. To him, this meant that things were looking up.

That was Feb. 22. On Feb. 23, his ankle was completely swollen — it was the most excruciatingly torturous morning that Connor had endured as an athlete.

He couldn’t figure out what was wrong. It was time for a trip to the doctor. It was a trip he should’ve made back in November, because Connor found out that his ankle ligament had completely separated. He would need reconstructive surgery.

The injury

Connor had never broken a bone or torn a muscle in his athletic career. Having to face months of rehab had never been his reality. That was until Chapman’s final 2025 regular season game against Claremont-Mudd-Scripps on Nov. 1.

He got tackled hard. Connor doesn’t often lose duels in the midfield, but this time he was just a step slow. If he made it a couple more minutes, the final whistle would’ve blown. He’d have been home free and healthy for the team’s first playoff game.

Instead, Connor’s ankle was screaming in anguish. At training the next Monday, it was clear that this was more than the average post-game pang.

“I tried to put my cleats on … it was just unbearable pain,” Connor said.

But Connor is a leader. He is a captain on the team. There was no chance in his mind that he would miss the playoff match against La Verne University. Even after sitting out of practice, he suited up for Tuesday’s game. His ankle was mummified in layers upon layers of tape just so he could survive.

Through injury, Connor played 65 minutes.

Chapman’s season frustratingly ended on penalties that night, yet it wasn’t until winter break in December that he started physical therapy back home in Chino Hills. And it wasn’t until March 26 that he got surgery.

The past month-plus has been defined by crutches, walking boots and knee scooters for Connor. No more spontaneous runs. No more on-ball battling in the midfield. He is focusing on finally healing, and getting back in time for his senior year. Not only because he wants to exorcise Chapman’s playoff demons and win a title, but also because his younger brother Ryder is coming to play in Orange next year. And Connor wouldn’t miss that for the world.

Family ties

It’s 4:30 a.m. on a Saturday in the Kilde household. Ryder and his twin brother, Caden, are sitting on the couch. The television is on — the volume turned down to a whisper — as Connor walks into the room. As he dons the red of Manchester United, he takes up a seat next to the identically clad Ryder.

It’s a house divided, as Caden supports Manchester City through and through. The derby match is on, but the three brothers dare not get too loud and disturb the household.

This is what a typical weekend morning looks like for the Kilde boys, and the fandom that Connor shares with Ryder has helped bring them closer over the past few years. 

In the weeks after his brother’s surgery, when he was spending all his time recovering at home, Ryder was able to offer some advice. Just a year ago, he dislocated his kneecaps. He was going to physical therapy every other day and it derailed his schedule. He tapped into a quality that he believes Connor must also muster: discipline.

Ryder said that Connor has always shown great character, never wavering from the best path forward. If he went out for a night on the town, the next morning he’d be running nearly 10 miles. There has not been a curveball that Connor couldn’t handle. Yet.

The incoming Chapman freshman idolizes his older brother. He said they share a special bond.

“You can't really ask for a better older brother,” Ryder said. “To be able to be on the same campus as him for a year and just to live the daily life with him, I really value that.”

He turned down schools with bigger and better soccer programs to play with Connor for a season. Caden is playing Division I soccer with California Baptist University next season, but Ryder is making up for lost time. In high school, he and Connor never saw the field together. Now, with a good chance of getting minutes in his first season in college, he needs Connor to be fully healthy by August.

“When he's down, he always tries to get up … if something bad happens, he'll get better off (it) and be stronger,” Ryder said.

For Connor, he’s hoping that rings true.

The mental battle

Photo by Trinity Johnson, Photographer

He rests his crutches up against the wall nearest the bench. Connor hobbles over, putting no weight on his right ankle, and takes a seat.

Just 10 yards from his view is the entire Chapman men’s soccer team. They are in the middle of offseason practice. The mid-day sun is beating down and the turf is turning up the heat. Most people would faint at the idea of high-effort training in those conditions. Connor would give almost anything to be out there.

This has not been an easy year for the Chapman midfielder. His way of life has been completely altered. Connor loves the routine of taking morning beach runs, working out with his teammates and getting touches in on the pitch. While he has a set plan to recover his body after surgery — rest, physical therapy, more rest and light workouts on his non-injured muscles — he has never dealt with something this mentally challenging before.

“Some days are harder than others. Some days I lack motivation,” Connor said.

That feeling is largely because he has already gone through intensive rehab. It has been a month since his surgery, sure, but it has been half a year since he first hurt the ankle. 

Maybe his ligament was separated from the moment he was tackled against CMS. Maybe it happened in the 65 minutes he played against La Verne. Or maybe it happened during one of his boardwalk dashes.

No matter what, the injury has been Connor’s reality for too long. But he isn’t big on burdening others with this kind of thing.

“When you're down, you don't really want to bring others down with you,” Connor said. “Maybe I'm too selfless, if that's the word, but I don't know. I don't try to bring my struggles or pain barriers onto others.”

Connor said he appreciates all the love from the coaching staff and his teammates. He has bonded with other injured players on the team. But those inner battles are his. He alone may have to win them, whether that’s the best idea or not.

Motivating factors

There are two things that Connor finds hope in: playing with Ryder and winning a championship.

“At the end of the day, there's always that end goal,” he said. “I want to be back. I love the game. I love soccer. It's all I've known for … 16 years. I wouldn't say it defines me at all, but it's my game. I just want to be out there playing with my teammates and leading by example.”

Already a captain and a rising senior, Connor is also excited to mentor Ryder through his first year. He loves little bro, and their playstyles mesh so well. 

Ryder plays center back and loves to play line-breaking passes. Connor plays in the midfield, meaning he can receive those balls and move the team forward. They both are hoping that connection can bring them to a title. It’s something that Connor wants deeply.

“I was actually talking about that with one of my roommates (the other) night. We have one more year as collegiate athletes, as competitive soccer players,” he said. “Come last year, dude, we thought we had the pieces. Losing (in the) first round in a penalty shootout was definitely a heartbreak … We want to win more than anything for sure. Go out with a ring.”

For Ryder, he feels like he’d be paying his big brother back for all the years of support.

“Even to be on the field with him is a great blessing,” Ryder said. “But I feel like if we win something big, that would be like the cherry on the top.”

Moving forward

Chapman head coach Eddie Carrillo said that it’s in Connor’s nature to fight back from this injury. But if for whatever reason he misses the next season — due to rehab setbacks or a reinjury of the ligament — the team will feel that loss.

“His leadership, character and discipline on the field would be missed. He is a strong player, but he also brings other intangibles that cannot be measured,” Carrillo said.

Those intangible attributes become clear when one talks to Connor. When he speaks, there is a certain precision. No word is wasted. When he tells a story, the exact date and time is of utmost importance. It’s indicative of how he lives his life. His strict workout regimen. His love for his family. His constant pursuit of his passions. Connor blocks out the noise and focuses on what he cares about.

As a business administration major with a visual journalism minor, Connor said he enjoys new-age media and finding the best way to supply people with the details they crave. He approaches his work in that space like he’s painting the Sistine Chapel. Every part matters.

He runs the Chapman men’s soccer social media account and wants to go into either the sports journalism or sports marketing space. Whatever job he gets, haphazard performance is the last thing that he’ll provide.

Beyond soccer and school, Connor said that he loves the beach. He tries to soak up everything Southern California has to offer. If he isn’t outdoors, then what’s the point of living here?

He also cherishes time with his family. Through this injury process they have provided stability and care. With the long summer months coming up — where Connor will rue the missed opportunities to get 30,000 steps in by the ocean — he’ll certainly need all the support he can get.